Diamond In The Rough: The Complete Series Page 25

  Hell, I couldn't even move. The fuck made me think I could control my own mind?

  I’m dying. This is what it’s like right before someone dies.

  My mind replayed the last time I’d ever heard my mother’s voice. It was two years after she’d left, and she called me on a whim. On my birthday. I remember crying into the phone, I was so happy to hear from her. An eleven-year-old kid, with his first-ever black eye from his father. That had been my father’s birthday present to me. A black eye, because I wanted a chocolate birthday cake instead of a strawberry one.

  “Hi, Mommy. When are you coming home? Please come home. Please come get me.”

  “Oh, honey. I’m gonna be coming soon, okay?”

  I remember her slurred words. How they seemed like the most amazing thing at the time, until I grew older. Until I realized she’d called me in the middle of one of her pill highs. Probably out of guilt for abandoning us.

  “Please, Mommy. Dad hits me. I just wanna be with you. Why can’t I be with you?”

  “Oh, honey. Your father knows what’s best, okay?”

  “No, he doesn’t. I know why you left, okay? I know it’s because he wanted you to live this life you didn’t wanna live. Mom, just come get me, okay? Please?”

  “That’s enough, boy. Give me that phone.”

  So much truth for an eleven-year-old boy. And yet, it was true. After dealing with my father’s beatings every time I didn’t act the way he wanted me to, I knew why my mother left us. Why she started downing pills until she had the courage to leave. Her postpartum depression got the best of her after having me, and instead of Dad being supportive, he ignored her. Told her to suck it up. Forced her to continuously go out to parties and get dressed up and accompany him on trips and continue to please him and be his trophy wife because that was what he expected.

  Despite my mother’s suffering.

  The pills were to find the courage to leave, weren’t they, Mom?

  It’s the only question I’d ask her. If I ever saw my mother face to face again, it was the only thing I wanted to know. Because deep down, I knew that was the reason she started popping them. Why she let them take over her world. Why she let them ease down her throat.

  It was so she could ease out of this life and go on to the next.

  But why couldn't you take me with you?

  My mind played one last reel in my head. One reel that made me feel more alone and more empty than ever before. It was the last time I ever heard from my mother. A card, in the mail. A card my father was reluctant to give me. It was my fourteenth birthday, and it got delivered to the house without a return address. Dad tossed it to me, grumbling something about his ‘good for nothing ex.’ And as I opened it with trembling hands, I found myself repeating the words.

  Because I’d damn near memorized that letter.

  Clint,

  You’re fourteen today, and I can’t believe how much time has passed. I think about you every day, wondering if I made the right decision for you. And I guess I’ll never know. But I want you to have something. It’s coming in the mail for you in a few days. I saved up a lot of money for it, so I hope you like it.

  I love you. Never forget that, no matter what.

  Mom

  Two days later, a leather jacket arrived in the mail. Much too big for me at the time, but it was there. It arrived while my father was on a business trip. Probably the only reason it had gotten to me in the first place. Hell, my father paid me so little attention once I became a teenager that he didn’t question the jacket at all until almost a year later.

  Just before I turned fifteen.

  And now, my fucking leather jacket is getting wet.

  Sounds meshed in my mind. I felt the headlights in my face again. I saw light beyond my eyelids. The smell of smoke became too much and the cry of Rae’s voice in my ear made me sick to my stomach. I heard those boys laughing. I heard the tires screeching. I heard the crunch of metal as my body jumped. Twitched. Shooting pain up and down my arms and legs before my eyes slowly opened, for the first time since I’d come to.

  And I was staring up at that bullshit sky.

  My jaw unlocked and I drew in lungfuls of air. My eyes darted around as my body slowly came to life, with my toes wiggling in my boots. I turned my head enough to take in the bank I was lying on. And yes, I was sprawled out on the river’s edge. I centered my head again, with the edge of the bridge in view. Holy shit, I’d tumbled over the edge. Dropped at least twenty fucking feet down to this water.

  How the fuck had I not ended up in the river?

  Flashes of that came back, too. How I got off my bike. How I started running for the woods. How that damn car literally attempted to pin me to the metal railing.

  Holy shit, those assholes had actually tried to kill me.

  I need to call the cops.

  “Clint!”

  “Clinton!”

  “Clinton Clarke!”

  For some reason, I thought I heard Rae’s voice. Among the foreign voices that somehow knew my name, I could have sworn I heard hers. But that wasn’t possible. If this was the river-bridge combination I thought it was, I was damn near twenty miles away from her place of work. Where this shitshow kicked off.

  She wouldn't have come that far down this road to find me.

  Right?

  I wondered what condition my bike was in. Fucking hell, it was probably totaled. Which Dad wouldn't be happy about. I’d get yet another beating for that shit before his guilt prompted him to buy me a newer one. A nicer one. That was how shit worked with Dad. He’d beat me, then feel guilty, then I’d wake up one morning to a nice-ass gift. And even then, it was only sometimes.

  Only sometimes, he felt guilty for beating his son up.

  I licked my lips again, tasting copper against my skin. I grimaced as the pain in my body slowly faded into the background. I felt myself growing used to it. Numb to the pain, like I’d become numb to my father. Numb to my home. Numb to the absence of my mother. Numb to the anger I always felt. Numb to the insecurities I kept buried deep in the pit of my soul.

  “Clint!”

  I tried bending my arms, but it was no use. I tried using my legs, but to no avail. Moving hurt too much. And part of me wanted this river to sweep me away and carry me off to somewhere else. Another place. Another time. A place where my mother existed and not my father. A place where school existed, but not Roy and those assholes. A place where my bike existed, but not the car chasing me.

  A place where Rae existed, without her bullshit life and friends.

  Rae.

  I closed my eyes, allowing her smell to wash over me. Allowing the feeling of her body pressed against mine to draw me back under. If this was it, dying with her memory on the tip of my brain was a nice way to go out. I felt myself accepting my death. Accepting how cold my body was growing. And while my father would surely call me a ‘cop-out pussy’ at my own damn funeral, it didn’t matter.

  So long as I had memories of Rae to keep me company.

  I sighed as my jaw snapped shut again. Like my body had released itself, only to lock back up because it was easier to simply shut down. And all the while, I thought about how strange this was. How worried I’d been for Rae’s safety. How worried I’d been that her friends wouldn't like me. How worried I’d been about some dumbass reputation being destroyed because she wanted to walk into school holding fucking hands.

  None of that mattered anymore.

  Because all that worrying had been for nothing, when this was how things were going to end.

  I love you, Rae. And I hope you know that.

  And as I felt myself slipping into the cold, dark expanse of the river, I could have sworn I heard Rae’s voice ring out in the depths of my ears.

  “Don’t you die on me, Clinton Clarke!”

  Promise Me

  Diamond In The Rough 2

  1

  Raelynn

  “Rae, stop!”

  I growled at him. “For the love o
f fuck, you’ll let me go. Even if it kills me.”

  My phone stumbled out of my hand as I bit down into Michael’s arm. But he released me. And I threw myself toward the edge of the bridge again. I felt him rushing for me, desperate to pull me back as I gazed over the twenty-foot drop. Sirens finally sounded in the distance. I flashed my light down there, catching yet another glimpse of where Clint was.

  After slipping away from Michael’s attempt to block me against the metal railing, I rushed for the tree line.

  “Rae, are you thick-headed? You’re going to get yourself killed!”

  “I’m not leaving him down there by himself, Michael! Get over it or go home if you don’t like it. I’ll have an officer take me home.”

  I tripped over tree roots I couldn't see and forced myself to slow down. It was a very long drop to the river. A drop that would easily put me in Clint’s position if I wasn’t careful. But I knew he was alive. He had to be alive. Because no God in this universe was as cruel as that. I refused to believe that.

  “I’m coming for you, Clint. Just hang on.”

  Sirens wailed as they rushed up the road. It felt like they were an eternity away. I heard the sirens, but I didn’t see their headlights. And I wondered how much longer until they actually got here. I pointed the flashlight on my camera down toward the ground. I heard Michael cursing my existence as I grabbed on to trees.

  They inched me down, centimeter by centimeter, until I slipped.

  “Rae!”

  “Shit!”

  I tumbled into a tree that caught me and I almost lost my phone. I lay against the tree, catching it as the steep ravine turned into damn-near the straightest drop I’d ever seen. Vines hung from the trees, dangling above the ground. And while I considered taking the chance, none of them dropped all the way to the river’s bank.

  Where Clint was sprawled out.

  I groaned. “Come on, Rae. Think.”

  “Rae! Can you hear me?”

  Michael’s voice echoed off the trees and I rolled my eyes.

  “Unfortunately!”

  “Quit being a smartass and stay there. If you move and that tree gives—”

  “Didn’t I tell you to go home if you couldn't stop ordering me around?”

  “Maybe I give too much of a shit to let my best friend kill herself over—”

  The sirens swallowed his voice and I was thankful for it. Because I was damn near ready to toss him over the bridge’s railing. I placed my phone inside my bra, with the flashlight facing outward. With the angle I was sitting at, it meant I had a clear shot of what the downslope had for me to cling to. Some rocks. A bunch of massive tree roots. If I was careful, I could still get down there.

  So I shimmied down the tree and hung on tight.

  “Damn it, Rae!”

  I blocked out Michael’s yelling as the sirens grew closer.

  “Don’t make me come down there after you!”

  I rolled my eyes as I slipped over the edge, placing my foot on the first rock.

  “Rae, Allison is going to kill you!”

  “Shut! The fuck! Up!”

  I heard Michael slam his hands against the metal guardrail as headlights slowly filtered through the trees, giving me more light to work with. I touched down on the first rock and let go of the tree, digging my nails into the dirt. I reached my foot out for the first tree root I saw and caught it, slipping my foot inside it.

  And just as I stepped off the rock, the tree root moved.

  “Ah!”

  “Rae!”

  I dug my hands into the dirt, feeling my fingernails scrape across rocks. I clung to the side of the earth, looking down at the fifteen-foot drop below me. I wasn’t even halfway down, and already I was struggling.

  He needs you, Rae. Don’t force him to be alone like he’s been all his life.

  I panted. “I’m coming for you, Clint. Just hang on.”

  With some careful maneuvering, and lots of dirt caked under my fingernails, I finally hit the halfway point. If I dropped, it wouldn't kill me. But, it would hurt. I closed my eyes and breathed, allowing the rushing water to fill my ears. I plucked my phone out of my bra and shone it down, watching as the headlights through the trees poured light down onto us.

  “They’re here! They’re here, Rae! Stop moving!”

  I wanted to shove a damn sock down Michael’s throat.

  When I flashed my light down against the river, what I saw horrified me. The water was rising. The river rushed harder. And I saw Clint’s legs floating. If I didn’t hurry up, he’d be pulled away by the current. Swept away, without a trace.

  And I couldn't let that happen.

  I slipped my phone back into my bra and slowly made my way down. I slipped and yelped. I ripped my nails off my fingers as I clung to the side of the earth. Trees groaned as I stepped on their roots, making a staircase for myself. And just as I hit the last rock I needed, I drew in a deep breath.

  “Clint, can you hear me?”

  The sound of the rushing water grew behind me as I touched down onto the bank. My feet sank immediately into the mud. The silt. The thick of it all. Making it even harder to get to Clint. I lost a shoe prying my foot out of that shit. I heard tires squealing on the bridge as the smell of burnt rubber wafted up my nose.

  Reminding me of that disgusting dream I hoped to never have again.

  “Clint! Can you hear me?”

  I kept repeating the phrase as I made my way for him. As his body kept rising. As his legs kept floating. I saw his hips leave the ground. Then his lower back. I saw his body tilted in the direction of the current, and I was still a few feet away from him.

  “Clint!”

  A wave came out of nowhere, jostling his body. And before I knew it, he sank underneath the river. I threw myself at him, reaching out for him as best as I could. But it was no use. His body swept itself away, dragged with the current as the water levels kept rising. Higher and higher, like some devil from below torturing me before he killed me, too.

  “Clint! No!”

  I sprinted as quickly as I could. It felt like I ran above the quicksand silt as my hand reached out for him. His leather jacket trailed behind him, fluttering on top of the water. And with one last lunge, I felt the fabric against my fingers. I clutched it, tugging as hard as I could. Tears rushed down my cheeks as my feet sank ankle-high into the silt and stuck, trapping me as the river rushed with a black fury.

  I wouldn't let it take me tonight, though.

  Because it wasn’t allowed to have Clint.

  “Come on. For fuck’s sake.”

  I groaned and grunted as more sirens approached. As more tires squealed. As Michael continued to yell and scream at me. I got Clint above the surface of the water and pulled him up the embankment, holding on to him for dear life. I reached up for a tree root, tugging on it as a tree fell over the edge of the river. I screamed as it landed just beside me. Finally giving up because of the water erosion against its roots.

  But it gave me something to cling to. Something to wrap my arm around as I held Clint against me.

  I drew in a shaking breath. “Just hang on, okay? Help is here.”

  I kept pulling on the tree, getting us higher and higher. There was a small perch. A small indent in the side of the earth that provided the dream of relief. My arm cried out for mercy. It shook with a need for rest. But I wouldn't let my body give up now. I slid my arm up the tree, hanging on to Clint as I slowly made my way for that indented earth.

  And when my back finally sat against it, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  Finally, a patch of dirt that didn’t try to swallow us whole.

  “Come on. On your back. Let’s go.”

  I rolled Clint off me and slid him to the ground. I put him on his back, gazing down into his face. The flashlight from my phone poking out of my bra gave me a hard glimpse at what he looked like. And it was hard to take in.

  “Clint, can you hear me?”

  I tapped his face softly, but I s
topped soon after. His nose was broken. There was blood all over his cheeks and pooling in his mouth from the gash in his forehead. I reached out and checked his pulse. It was weak, but there. And as my eyes continued to roam over his body, I saw his shoulder was dislocated.

  “Clint, please. You have to wake up for me, okay?”

  I couldn't get over the blood. How much there was. How dark it looked against his skin. I didn’t know where the hell it was all coming from and I felt panic grip my chest. I tapped his neck. I placed my hand over his heart. It seemed to be beating slower and slower. Like he was slowly fading away from me.

  My tears dripped against his face. “Clint, please. You can’t do this to me, okay?”

  Memories flooded back. The first time he sat down next to me. The first time we kissed. That night in his room, where he stripped me of my clothes and made me feel things no other boy had. I remembered waking up to him in the middle of the night. Feeling his body wrapped around mine. And the only regret I had was that I hadn’t stayed that first night. My only regret out of anything was sneaking out that first night and not cherishing the time we did have together.

  “Clint, please!”

  My shrieking voice echoed off the trees. Off the water. Off the caverns underneath the bridge. I heard people crying out my name. Telling me to stay put. But I didn’t give them the time of day. I placed my forehead against Clint’s chest, no longer feeling his heartbeat. No longer feeling life pumping through his veins. And as I sobbed against his chest, I lay down next to him.

  “No, please. Clint.”

  I gripped his shirt. I cried until I heaved. My fingers slid down his arm, checking his pulse at his wrist. There was nothing. No beating. No rushing. No blood pumping through his veins. He felt cold as night. As cold as that fucking water that had almost whisked him away.

  “You’re a fighter, Clint. Fight for this. Fight for your life.”

  My words were nothing but a whisper in the wind. I kept repeating them, over and over. Hoping beyond all hope that he heard me. In the distance, I heard people coming down the ravine, headed for us as my sobs filled the space around us. The words kept tumbling from my lips like a prayer, reaching out to any God that was willing to look past my indiscretions and fulfill my only wish. I curled up next to his body. His dead, lifeless body. I clutched his chest, unable to make any sounds as my grief swallowed my voice whole.